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When HE is at the HE~lm

Every day I have a new “Word of the Day”… I love introducing new vocabulary words to my students. Last week, one of the words was “HELM”.  The helm  is the steering  wheel of a ship….. I can visualize a captain of the ship at the helm as he  navigates  his vessel  through the ocean waters.

I picture my Jesus at the HElm of my ship.   As I look off the deck… I see the looming clouds of the storm in the distance.  I can feel Him encouraging  me  to put on my life vest of trust… He directs  me in the night watches… and comforts me with His Word. If I try to take the wheel from Him I know I am destined to go shipwrecked into bigger storms that were never intended for me. Yes… Yes… Yes…. at times I feel like I am sinking…..  s  IN  k-ing …. Like yesterday… It was Saturday and I just wanted to pull the covers over my head … I wanted to just disappear. Don’t freak out on me…  am “ok”;) I know the devil and His schemes… he likes to  plant thoughts and mess with the mind and heart…. that is why it is so important to guard the heart! I had a choice! I could … stay there and SINK into myself and throw a pity party OR I could SINK into my Savior and let Him bring my thoughts back to life. It is there that I find Him ministering to me…. loving me… releasing me from having to carry it. I remember back in August… I was sitting on my front porch… pondering my life… He told me…”You don’t have to be BRAVE!… Let ME be your Brave!”… I thought about that… and this verse…. “Take my Yoke upon you for My burden is light.” I think it is in the book of  Matthew.  Ok… Lord… it is YOU  and Me together…. I will take this yoke…I will. It is YOU and ME.

Some people say… “Wanda … is always happy!”… Let me tell you… I have my days and moments…I cry in my pillow… I cry on my dog… I cry in my car… but, I also CRY out to a loving Savior who rescues me. He has my back… the other side of my yoke.

May HE always is  and will  forever be at the HElm of my  ship. It is tempting to take the wheel… but He sees the winds… and HE REIGNS! He will navigate me and you  through….let us  grab the map of His Word and keep sailing! We  will LAND in heavenly places!

A ‘hoy Mate!!

 

“Tense Living”

 

 

What …did you say again?…(That seems to be the world I live in lately!)

OH!!…. it was  “Tent Living”!

He referenced… 2 Corinthians 5….For we know that when this earthly tent we live in is taken down-when we die and leave these bodies- we will have a home in heaven, and eternal body made for us by God himself and not by human hands. We grow weary in our present bodies, and we long for the day when we will put on our heavenly bodies like new clothing.

(Praise the Lord for the hope of eternity through Jesus and His death on the cross!)

I have thought a lot about my “tent” lately…There are times in my past that I wish I could have  traded it in for a different one… haven’t we all? With this brain tumor… I have thought about it in a different light. This is the only tent I will EVER have.  As my tent is right now….my pinky finger will always be askew, there will always be a little scar on my right knee, I will always wear the chicken pox scar on my right eyebrow…you get the idea. I never dreamed I would say …”I have a brain tumor.” I praise the Lord it is benign. Sometimes I wish I could go back in time and be “normal”… Would I want to trade this tent?  Trade this experience?……tempting….but, NO… I have heard some people express…. “Of all people… why YOU?”… Well, Why NOT me?  😉 I know my Lord is faithful and he loves me dearly.. I will never be out of His grasp. So, yes… I offer this tent to Him …to show His glory!

I have been in a “tense” state of living … I feel the stress of knowing I have this thing in my brain…I feel the stress of trying to hear …trying to teach …. trying to live in my “new normal”.  My mouth tingles…I have white noise all the time and my head feels like it is being smashed from the pressure…It is very TENSE. I can’t imagine how life would be if I did not have my Lord and Savior …Jesus. He supplies all of my strength…moment by moment. Yes, he has even given my JOY.

My husband is in family practice. He see patients all the time dealing with the stresses of life. He tells me how those stress manifest themselves into ulcers, reflux, high blood pressure, upset stomach, tremors, memory loss… and the list goes on. YES… we only have one tent. Even if one may  not have a physical ailment…like an illness, disease, tumor,etc …. one may have a TON of STRESS and it is making the body sick.  In Proverbs 13:12 , it says “Hope deferred makes a heart sick, but a longing fulfilled is a tree of life.”   We are NEVER with out hope when we have Jesus in our lives…! I can’t imagine going through life with all of its demands and stress without  him… much less… the weight of facing a brain tumor surgery.  He is holding out His hand longing to be a refuge and strength …an ever present help in time of trouble. As we allow Him to be our high tower…we can breath and greet each day knowing He loves us and he will give us our daily bread.

I do long for my heavenly body that 2 Corinthians speaks of… I know it will come it due time….But for NOW… for NOW…. I can take each opportunity that is put in front of me to  trust my Creator and LIVE through Him. I WILL set my heart on things above! Col. 3:1 …I know this tumor is NOT about me…God is not mad at me…he wants to draw me into the deepest of relationships with Him. (When the winds grow strong…..the roots grow deep.)

One of the things that concerns me the MOST… and grieves my heart… Is… I DO NOT want this experience that I am living… to just give others the “warm fuzzies”… I want it to testify to the very POWer that lives within me. It says in Revelation that they won them over by the Blood of the Lamb and the word of their testimony.  May people not see ME…but my GOD!

So… what do you say… I like camping… how about you?….Let’s camp out in the tents we have and live in and through all of  His promises!     I’d like S’MORE…. of HIM!

 

~ WHAT g IF t! ~

 

 

Tonight my family was treated to a crockpot dinner , salad , bread and peach cobbler! Oh!!! What a surprise ! What timing!  My daughter had a volleyball match and my son had ABA basketball practice. Tomorrow is Grandparents’ Day at school and parent/teacher conferences.  I have A LOT to do! So, dinner  tonight was such a blessing! It was a GIFT!

WHAT a GIFT! My sweet friend …mentor and “adopted” mother~ ROBYN~ …put the dinner together and drove it to the school that  Joy was playing at.   Several years ago ,God allowed us to meet  we have never looked back! My real  mom has passed away a few years ago and my Jesus knew that I would need someone like Robyn in my life! She brings a wealth of wisdom…love …support and… not to mention laughter! We can carry on about the silliest things! I actually talk to her EVERY morning before school.  I love the depth she brings to my life!                                               WHAT a GIFT!

People with more “gray glitter” in their hair are such a wealth of wisdom.   I wish I could just sit at the feet of people who have gone before me and soak up their knowledge. They have so much to offer…take my Dad for example… He amazes me when he comes down from Iowa to visit… He blows my mind at all the stuff he can “fix” or make “better” ! He knows so much!

While  my husband and I were sitting in the waiting room at Vanderbilt… (the waiting room was full) I noticed the cutest older couple come in and look around for a place to sit… The lady walked with an impairment… kinda like a penguin…She had a very determined/happy look on her face. They came in and sat down. I whispered to Chuck how CUTE I thought they were  . I also whispered the fact that I wanted to know  how long they had been married!!??… Chuck, with out hesitating, said… “ohh,  2 years!”  Well, I started laughing … and GULP!!… she looked straight at me and asked me …if I was laughing at her… Red faced and wide eyed.. I had to explain how CUTE I thought she and her husband was…… Well, before you know it,  the whole waiting room knew their story and everyone was smiling along….  “Bill” was so adamant that I needed to look at the pictures in his wallet . He wanted me to see what his sweetheart … “Ann” looked like in high school!! ….. He whipped open his wallet and stretched across an innocent ,by standing,  young man to gave it to me . He wanted me to look at ALL the pictures!  We chatted for a few minutes …When my name was finally called,  I had to tear myself away from them as my nurse was waiting .    I was , you know, nodding and backing up… trying to be polite…and exit at the same time… …Bill?   Bill  STILL kept  on talking!          I think they enjoyed the attention.

I was bragging earlier about the amazing GIFT Robyn made for us…it was made of love, thoughtfulness and the beauty of what make life go around. She went out of her way to bless us on a busy night…

I was just thinking …

   W H A T       g  I F   t~                                         WHAT        IF?

WHAT  g IF t !   ….. What IF  we took more chances on getting to know other people?

What gift”  ..we stopped waiting for people to come to us for friendship ?

What g if t…. we talked to more people in waiting rooms or in long   lines?

What g IF t… we  included  the generations before us in our lives!?  (They would LOVE…LOVE to be asked for  their opinion…their advice… their expertise…. I am sure Bill and Ann from the waiting room have a lot of fun stories…)

What   g IF t …we took the TIME to  just slow down and just bless someone?

What  g IF t ….  we shared our trials and hurts with someone else and stopped thinking we can be an island to ourselves?

I look forward to tomorrow , Grandparents’ Day … I will see many GIFTS being soaked up  throughout the morning in my classroom. Grandparents will  be charmed and delighted by the sweet children. They have written  poems , drew pictures and practiced a little song to the tune of “Take Me out to the  Ballgame”. We are also going to sing along to the Christian song “WORDS” by Hawk Nelson… yeah… we will  “rock it out”  with Grandpa and Grandma! It was our class  “theme song” to begin this year.

One of my students..”BoBo” told me he was going to share this blog with his Grandma today.  I know  “BoBo’s” Grandma might be  reading this..So. I just wanted to say “HI!” You have an awesome grandson… you should be very proud!

(The kids made up “CODE” names … so I could talk freely about them!)

Well, It is time for me to go and get another helping of that peach cobbler…..May we all be encouraged to think…

   WHAT      g IF t!?

 

~ dah dah dahhh..students undercover!

I feel the need to inform you that I will be blogging a lot longer (before surgery) than I had expected as of  3:00 pm  today… We thought the surgery was Nov. 26th or…wishfully the 12th… Nada…

It is Dec. 17th.

I decided that I wanted to include telling stories of my students and …therefore ,I felt the need to put them undercover! They have each picked out a “code” name…;) I don’t know where the world wide web is located …or where  the cyber space place is that  of this goes to… so in case of aliens… or spies…. I wanted to disguise the student’s identity as to not upset momma and papa bear.

I look forward to watching  God work through these precious ones!

 

~ balance~

~ Bal   ance~

The  simple things we take for granted…..

One of the questions that has been asked lately  by the professionals I have seen …is ~how is your balance? I answer …”fine”… But since this all has revealed itself …I find my balance is a little topsy turvy. I have to cautiously guard it. Like the other night , I was walking on the bleachers after the football game and suddenly I felt myself tilt to the

r   i    g    h    t  …then…”OH. … EXCUSE ME…I am so sorry!””  I had used some man’s shoulder to keep me from tumbling over onto the walkway. I looked at his wife and said..  ” I am so sorry!… I guess I lost my balance!”

September 8th… the night before my appointments up at Vanderbilt…I read this from one of my VERY favorite devotionals…Susan Franklin gave it to me!~ Hi, Susan!….

It said…”Accept each day exactly as it comes to you, By that I mean not only the circumstances of your day, but also the condition of your body. Your assignment is to trust Me absolutely , resting in My sovereignty and faithfulness. On some days , your circumstances and your physical condition feel out of balance The demands on you seem far greater than your strength. Days like that present a choice between two alternatives-             giving up       or relying on me.”

Wide eyed…blink …blink!! …WOW…. ok…I felt like God was just talking to me…ministering to me…”HUE knew” on September 8th I would need a reminder worded just like that!

Balance it HARD! ~  It is hard to balance being a wife , a mom, a teacher, a friend, a…..professional sky diver…(just kidding) 😉

It sometimes pushes us to  the limits…and something always seems to go out of whack!

Today was a day where I had to “face” my balance limit… In my classroom , we  established who the “book worm” is in the class… The top reader;) of course!… I have this green bookworm stuffed animal that I hang from the ceiling above that particular  student’s desk. Well, I had to hang it up and decided to chance my balance on the chair …in front of my students .I thought I didn’t want to embarrass myself should something happen.. So,  I  asked one of my gentlemen for help. He obliged and let me use his shoulder while I climbed up and down to hang this worm from the ceiling on cloths pins / fish wire. That’s it…! Sometimes we have to ask for a little help to keep things in balance… and It is OK! It is ok to rely on others for help. The Lord especially wants us to rely on HIM. When  we say…” I GOT IT!” … We are toppling over into a big mess.

I am a little worried about balance as I will emerge from the surgery. … I remember about 4-5 years ago … I had a horrible run in with vertigo. I really think  this marked  the beginning of this tumor.  It was really strange ! Let me encourage ANYONE reading this… IF you think something is not right with your body… get it checked out! God has a way of letting your body know if something is not right.

On the Saturday after I found out about my  A Neuroma … I decided to look on the computer for  Acoustic Neuroma web sites. I was looking for blogs of people who were going through this… I did not look very hard …because  the first two sites were DEPRESSING!  This one girl “ignored” her symptoms for two years because she was “afraid”… WHAT????  Then I went to another one where she just had a bad attitude and a “why” me saga…I thought   ” I am outta here!”  I think looking at those sites helped  me want to start this blog.

~ Balan       ce~

We ar all human… and we  have to learn to rely on others…and we  have to remember it is “ok”… to ask for a shoulder or  a hand….for some help.

Personally…..  I find as long as I am “in balance” with my relationship with the Lord  (reading my bible, praying, praising, fellowship) … I am able to keep my life from going topsy turvy.

PS   I learned today that my  surgery date is December 17th…  It is waaay later than I had anticipated… or wanted…..because “it would throw my life off balance”… I mean…we have to work around the school calendar, ya know!! That would put me back in the classroom a month into the new year… and- I wanted to go back first of January…it is  just off balance…ha ha! ok…I will rest on the Lord’s shoulder and let Him carry me up and down through this journey.

 

 

“face” it ~ face “it”

Humor…. A beautiful gift from the Lord! 😉

Yes, here is one of the stories that broke through the stress of the day. This was towards the end of my visit with my second doctor.

Dr. Thompson looked at me  and I knew by the way he moved his hands and adjusted his body  that he really wanted me to perk up  my attention and be especially aware of what he had to say next. He  really wanted me to focus and be aware of the “risks” involved with the surgery… of which I did not want to hear. He HAS to go over these with patients so they may not be side swiped /taken off guard if something does happen. He reassured me that he has  done thousands of these surgeries. (Vanderbilt is especially trained for these)  My eyes leaked…and the sweet student in the short white coat handed me a box of tissues… and Dr. Thompson continued…. he spoke of leaking  spinal fluid, bleeding in the brain, infection, stroke,…….he talked about the facial nerve and how my face could be damaged ….. I sat there for a second … I let it all sink in and…. out of nowhere…

I said, “Let’s just face it…this stinks!”

Everybody laughed and I could see the interns shoulders going up and down…and my doctor was laughing, too. He looked at Chuck and asked him …”Does she do this all the time?”…. (if he only knew!) ha ha

Whatever the “it” is in your life…God is BIGger….The “it” can take on many forms!…for me,  the  “it” takes on the form of :  the price tag for this surgery, the recovery, the unknowns, the time away from my students ,the day to day tasks of running the house….list goes on.

I told Chuck this morning as I woke up… that I wanted to stick my head in a hole! I did not want to “face” the day. I did not know how to handle all the questions…Would I wear my emotions on my sleeve all day. . should  I bother putting on make up?? How can I face my students?? In the beginning of school, I told them I would get the surgery “next summer” and I was not going anywhere. Well, things have changed and I really want this thing out! Besides my mouth being numb , it is beginning to make my face tingle. ;(

I prayed all the way to school…even cried as I  lifted this day to the Lord. I wasn’t sure how to face my kiddos.. I  always talk to my “mom”/”mentor” every morning and she prayed for me , too! I  continued to debate if I would tell the students. Well, the bell rang and we did our normal opening…and I asked them how their day was…then I told them about my day. I told them about a November surgery and there was a gasp in the room. ..and a few started to tear up and cry.  I spoke what God gave to me in the moment and turned to do a devotion out of my ONE YEAR Animal Devotion book… I got like 4 sentences into it and immediately closed it… I had to FACE them and see what was going on in their minds… So I stopped “class” and inquired…..and ….they shared.   I got my big desk calendar out  and we  looked at the “reality” of it all…See??? It is not so bad!!! They were letting it all settle in and one sweet student spoke up and said… that the little  decoration  she was missing out of her bracelet was not so important any more… another said she had been squabbling at home over little things…and it seems small in light of other people’s problems. We had a great discussion…One sweet baby had huge tears rolling down her face and so … I hugged her. Then students moved from their chairs and we all joined  in a big group hug. It was the best 45 minutes of “teaching” nonteaching time ever spent! I felt the love and I was so glad I faced my day in light of His strength. I don’t need to stick my head in a hole anymore…We can’t ignore whatever our “it” is and we have to choose to turn and …..face it!

Let’s face it…our God is BIGger than what we face.

You can do all things through Christ who gives you  strength. Phil 4:13

 

I “H ear T” today!…..September 9th

I LOVE VANDERBILT! ~ nuf said!

Today was the day I was supposed to go up and meet all of my doctors and get plugged into the system at Vanderbilt. It was to be a “dreaded” day. I must say I was not looking forward to it… It was an unknown…scary place…full of white walls,  waiting rooms and hand sanitizer…It was a place where people went that had “serious” problems with their health…NO!! Why am  ”  I   ”  going here????

The day is over… and…… I “HearT” Vanderbilt!

May I say… I LOVE Vanderbilt? Every experience was top notch! I felt so comfortable there and I LOVED meeting Dr. Haynes and Dr. Thompson. They will team facilitate my “all day” surgery.  GULP! They were so easy to talk to and I enjoyed having the students there that followed them around.  Vanderbilt is a teaching school. I love students! 😉

Like  said before, I began today with a lot of trepidation … Anxious thoughts and mixed feelings swarmed around in my head….We stayed Sunday  night at the Hampton Inn. Early Monday morning,  the Lord calmed my “HearT” in His presence when my husband and I listened to praise music … I only use one earphone anyway… So I gave Chuck the other one… It was great to lay in bed…5:00 ish and listen to praise music and set our thoughts on Him. Then,  about 6ish  , I read from a sweet little devotion  that my sister-in-law ….Cathy, gave to me the evening before! Then 7ish… I went to the wardrobe/closet where I had hung up my clothes and stood there…something told me to go and get my camera and take a picture. So, I did.     I thought, ” ok…Lord… that was odd…” I later posted the picture to my facebook and encouraged  all of us to “adorn ourselves with the righteousness of Christ.  May we choose to put on faith and  not fear… May we choose to wear hope and  not despair… etc.”    Essentially…I was hoping to give the picture of “putting” on our spiritual clothes.  We have to guard  our “HearT”. We have to give “ear” to his Word and calming voice as He ministers to us and He guides us through how we should view ourselves and circumstances.

Well, this very post was what turned my day around. God knew that I needed to be reminded to refuse the garments of defeat, despair, and sadness…It was in the middle of the afternoon and the dark clouds began to swirl.  We had one more meeting to go ,and as we walked on the city sidewalks , to the next office…my HearT was  shell shocked. My heart had sunk and was snowballing way down into the pit…..Chuck could tell something had given way and it was as though the wind was knocked right out of me. When we got there, I began slumping in my chair…my glazed gaze was out the window and I just “felt” defeat. I realized I needed to get up and talk a little walk. I walked into the restroom and there my Savior gently reminded me of the picture I had taken of my outfit just hours earlier. He said…”Wanda…why are you putting on rags of defeat?…Why are you sinking into yourself?? REFUSE the garments!” It is amazing what a little talk with Jesus can do! I went out and got a couple cups of water …one for Chuck  and one for myself…and I went back in the room and sat down. It was not 2 minutes later and my last doctor came in.  He was so nice! I enjoyed his personality and friendly demeanor! He was very personable with us….He asked us  questions and showed us a picture of his little boy. He was very complete with his explanation of our options and etc.

I am so glad I have a Savoir who cares about my HearT!  I can choose what I think about…I love Philippians 4:8…. It talks about whatever is TRUE, NOBLE, RIGHT…PURE…LOVELY… whatever is ADMIRABLE…Think on THESE things!  I really think my day could have ended in a train wreck had I not had a HearT to HearT talk with my Savior in the restroom. In my last meeting ,my doctor had to shoot straight with me about ALL of the  risks of this dangerous surgery. They scared me!! He had to tell me, as the other doctor, did… that … I will NOT be able to hear in my right ear after this is all over… My eyes leaked and, yes , it was difficult… but , I can’t imagine how I could have handled it if I had not refused the rags offered from the pit just a few minutes earlier….. Instead, I was able to grow in peace instead of pieces.

I…. HearT ….this day! <3  I love it because I know this is God’s plan for me and I am VERY thankful for VANDERBILT.  I have the best care and the top doctors looking out after me.

Even though I will lose my HearING in my right ear…I still   HearT   this day…because I know Who is  holding  my HearT and cares so deeply about me and His relationship with me.

I carried around a little yellow flower all day long. I actually picked it at the Hampton Inn…. shhhh! I wanted a little reminder that …out of ALL creation, I… am my Lord’s prized possession!  I know that at the end of the day, the flowers will fade and the grass will wither … but the Word of my Lord stands firm!

I hope from this testimony of today… you can  Hear His HearT!

 

~ HUE ~ knew??..(part 1)

Hello…again!

Thanks for coming back! Thank you for your prayers! Thank you!

My heart seems to know every one of them!

Ok… so last May… I was asked to move classrooms. Ok..no big deal…well…at first it was …you know, after you get settled somewhere and  you are comfortable…change is hard. I was used to Room #13. I got to trade to Room #7… it has a bathroom AND a view….to the playground that is!

I decided that I because I was moving , I would do something I have NEVER done before! PAINT!! Yes.. I have never painted a room in my life. I wanted a sage green. It was approved and I went and picked out some swatches. I” hem hawed”  around… and finally went back to the store to purchased the paint!  I was about to check out with the color I wanted and another color caught my eye. I loved it… I looked at the color name and it was “Spirit Whisper”.  yes! … I was sold ..I really liked that name…. AND THIS  “before” I knew about my tumor…So, I proudly purchased the paint and went to work.  I got to school and put the first few swipes on the wall and had a heart attack! What have I done? This looks like a baby room! My son Grant and a young man named Dalton were there will helping hands…. W  a i   t   i   n   g …. for me to make up my mind! I went for it! and….. now…. I LOVE IT!!! ~

The name of the paint is so dear to me because Jesus went before me in this journey setting it up for me to find comfort in His details..The Lord cares about every detail of our lives!  … Spirit Whisper!

HUE Knew?!!! HE DID!!

and He does!! He is the same yesterday… today and forever!

I was very stressed out last night thinking about making “sub” plans for Monday…. that is tomorrow…because that is the day  I will go to that scary , unknown place up in Tennessee that will open up my brain…

anyway… I just settled on resting…. RESTING… I went to bed and decided that those plans could wait and I just need to be still. I could put them together in the morning… which is now. AND….. YES….. THEY ARE ALL DONE!  That is why I am pounding away on the keyboard! ((See, I NEVER have a sub! I hate to have a sub… I would rather have my toenails torn out…I love my kids… I love my job. My classroom is my domain, haven and playground…..and besides…. It is A LOT of work to prepare for a sub.)))

anyway…This is the second part of part one of “HUE knew…”

Guess who had to prepare for a MONDAY… back on August 19th.. I had to go testify in court for a student. (It turned out I did not have to testify they were only ruling on the records and I was free to go back to school way before noon!

I was a little indignant…then… BUT
Guess who got to use the same outline and notes from the computer for TOMORROW! Yes! I flew through the plans and I have time to write to you.
“HUE” knew????     HE did ! and He does! He cares about the details…He

cares about U…

“H   E” knew! ….. all about “U” TOO!

He paints the morning sky for you…He shouts his name across the sunrise…He rides on its wings…Whispering his love songs to you! His mercies are new every morning…great is His faithfulness! (Lamentations 3)

May you feel so blessed today knowing He CARES for you!

It is not so..”sc-HAIR-y”!!!

ok… so I have this head of hair that doesn’t quit. Whenever I leave salon…. it looks like I have left two hair cuts behind. I always feel a ton lighter…aughhhhh ;)! In fact, I am so ready for another cut. I think my hair is so long out of neglect…anyway. Being a teacher…  it is so easy to put in a braid with a bow.. put it  back in a sparkly headband…or in a ponytail…

Anyway..in this section of the blog….I feel the need quickly to tell you my hair history. Back in the day…it was my crown and glory! It so was my pride and joy.. I spent HOURS primping and getting it just right…just ask my dad!!

Now…I just go with the ” flow”  and tend to it as I need to…straight hair is in style so I just “do” it however.

I have had sweet…seriously concerned ladies come and ask me if they will have to shave my hair to do surgery.  The answer is …yes. That was one of the first questions I asked  Lesley-Ann when she called    from Vanderbilt.  She is my  only connection right now that I have to the really “SCARY” place…up in Tennessee.   ( My God is with me wherever I go.)

She said it wouldn’t be “a lot”…but…that is relative.  Ok..so…. the Saturday after I learn of this Acoustic Neuroma… I hit the computer looking for blogs…(this was before I talked to Lesley-Ann) …I found a blog of a girl who “ignored” the symptoms for 2 years!!  She had to have TWO surgeries.. and  posted a picture of her head … and her SCARy scar…(BLAHHH) and I LOST it! I knew I need to RUN from the computer and never look back.  I am much better today… thinking about it.

Some thoughts:

#1… My “ROOTS” are in trusting my Lord….. even with the little things. In the big scheme of things …my hair is the last on the list. However it happens to be shaved…I will proudly wear the scar of …the beauty of modern technology… and the greater beauty of the path my Lord has for me. May it be a spring board for discussion…and may  eternity be forever shaken.

#2…I do not  have to get “WIGGED” out about other peoples stories! I have enough to contend to in my own… and I am firm in my foundation of trust. I trust that my God is walking with me.. and that He is gently leading me. I must keep my eyes on HIM….like Peter, I will sink as I walk on water with my eyes on my circumstance.

#3… Whenever I feel a pity party coming to town… I know I do not have to feel “shafted” by my Creator …because I know it.. IS NOT ABOUT ME! He went through great “lengths” to demonstrate His love for me… I may be the only  Jesus a lost and “dye-ing”  world will ever see. I don’t have to live in “split ends”… listening to all of the “bangs” the enemy tries to throw at me.

(ha ha ha ha… sorry… had to slip those  in. 🙂 I just  can’t help myself!At this point… I have to have a little “Tumor Humor”…

Seriously… I am not ScHAIRed … I will continue to “curl” up in His lap and “gel” to His promises…

Enjoy your Saturday!

PS… Leave me a punny post… if you think of one..I love to laugh! I hope you think this is as HAIR-larious as I do. 😉

 

“Its gotta be earwax!!”…so I thought….

So, let me tell you what is on my brain!!

ok…so at the end of May…… I noticed my ear feeling “full”….So , I asked my husband to look in my ear and tell me how to get the earwax out. I went to his office and to my dismay … he said my ear was really clean! I was rather perplexed…. I had been spending a lot of time with either a  Q Tip or my finger in my ear… awkward.

In June… my tongue began to feel funny… like it was tingling. I mentioned it to my husband …again… and he just said it might be allergies! GREAT!!!  ok! That must be it! YES! All the pressure from the allergies must be  making my tongue numb! So,  I got some allergy medicine and began to take it. To no avail! I tried another kind of allergy medicine! It did not do anything….again… hum???

Soon.. it was July…..we  headed to Florida for a trip to the beach… and I really thought it was “better”… Yes …! It must have been those Alabama allergies! It seemed to be better at the beach…(Well, doesn’t everything seem to be better at the beach?) 😉 Anyway, I was SURE that it was  . Now that I think back… of course it felt better , I was away from noise and my ear was out in the open…HOWEVER…my mouth was STILL  numb…now…my lips and the inside of my mouth…. hum???

August rolled around and it was time for school to start up again. We had a day of  in-service meetings, as all schools do …and… I thought I was going to burst out in tears…. well, actually I did. In our smaller/elementary group  we mentioned some  “prayer requests” and I could not help myself. It came out of nowhere.  It really  surprised me that  I was so on the edge of myself. It was really bothering me more than I had let on!.  I had an appointment on the 6th and I was so grateful! Finally, I could get on some steroids…I thought ..”Yes! … IT MUST be a virus!!”

Grateful for my appointment…I head to the ENT . I take a hearing test… answer all the questions the sweet doctor asked me… he told me what he thought it could be… he told  me what he” did not” think it would be based on the results of the hearing test and my symptoms..

But…because my tongue was numb….he sent me for an MRI.

Well…(that’s a deep subject)

I find out that night … the night before school started , that I have this benign brain tumor in my head!  The totality of reality did not hit me till later.  I was happy my dad was visiting and he could hear it in person …rather that over the phone. He lives in Iowa~! (Hi, Dad! I love you!)  Anyway… that is how I found out about this mass on my brain. I can’t wait to tell you more! I can’t wait to tell you how my Lord and Savior Jesus Christ ministered to me as my brain wrapped around this thing.

He has whispered many things dear to my heart and encouraged the socks right off of me. I find it scandalous that I can be truly filled with so much JOY… and peace during all of this. (umm, have I cried? YEAH… like a baby…on my dog’s shoulder…into my pillow )  So,  HEAR , I sit…knowing the Lord is calling me to a sweet place with Him. I am praying that I won’t have  “spiritual earwax”… I want to be still enough…shhhhh….quiet enough….ready enough… to hear those sweet gentle nudges from the Lord.

May you know that where ever you are…He is doing the same for you! Thanks for sitting a spell … It is Friday night… all of us are home from the football game! I am ready for some zzZZZZzzzzzs! I just had to tell you how all of this was revealed.

Like really…. how do you go from thinking you have a massive case of earwax to a brain tumor in just two months???

night…night…