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Monthly Archives: October 2013

PITy

This morning my son woke up not feeling very well… I checked him once… I checked him twice…. my mom gut was “ify”….. I went through all the “can’t go to school”  check off list…and fever was the highest on the list. He did not have any fever.   I looked into his eyes… and  they  always tell …oh…so much! I did not see any impending warnings…. so , off to school we went!

About 11:30 or so … I got the call. As you , know I teach 3rd grade , so it is not like I can just drop what I am doing and go get him. Well, to make this short and get on with the story… I got him home… on Rx , cough drops and syrup.   My heart is smiling … because as the day went on I, too, began to feel under the weather and took as much Fast Max Mucinex as he did…. So with , two steaming cups of Ginseng Honey/ Lemon hot tea and a nap later…. I feel like I, too , am coming back to life.

I have a few minutes this afternoon, so I wanted to write out what I am finding that  God… will NOT let me get away with!

PITy….

It may seem like a party… it feels good ,at time,s to want to wallow… however!

It is a slippery slope…. It is a destructive destination….. It is an easy trap to fall into.  Sometimes I think, “WHY do I have to be the one? Lord, this hurts. I don’t want to go through surgery…I don’t want to be trusted so much!~ I am tired of being strong…Why can’t I just go back to being normal?Waaahhhhh! ”

As I spent the afternoon on the couch… I came across this beautiful verse…

Colossians 1:10

“That you may walk worthy of the Lord, fully pleasing Him, being fruitful in every good work and increasing in the knowledge of God.”

 

I would love for that to be one of my “compass” verses for this season… and ALL seasons for that matter , of my life.

It is a walk… and in order to WALK… one must put one foot in front of the other. It is not for my own heart to discern the way. ~

 

I think of Noah… he built an ARK! I am sure it was back breaking! I am sure he slammed his thumb with the hammer a time or two

…..and I wonder  if he wondered…. “What ? Why am I doing this?…No one else is having to do this..”

He must have been  the brunt of every joke on the street corners

…….He went on to save mankind through the flood.

I think of Joseph…. he was actually THROWN into  a PIT and  sold into slavery by his brothers …. thrown into prison unjustly!

I wonder what he thought as he was sitting in that  hard prison cell….. “Why am I here? This is so UNFAIR!”  ….. He was so full of character

…he did not have time for self pity… He used it as  an opportunity to BE who God created him to be

          ….He went on the LEAD Egypt and save his family.

…. IT IS NOT UP FOR MY HEART TO DICERN THE WAY……

On Sunday… one of the pastors at church talked about JOY!…even through hardships….~  I think for the most part , I have wrestled with my plight…and have found my Savior to be  so personal to me! I really wouldn’t want to trade this valley or struggle…because then I would miss out on ALL that He is.

BUT… I DO have those  self pity moments…..just this last week…. I wanted to crawl out of my skin and disappear. I wondered … why have this blog? Why the joy? Who cares? Then… Sunday.  😉   The message was for everybody… but to me, it was a direct command to  STAY the course…It was as though He was saying…” DO NOT GO THERE! Do not entertain those murky thoughts….  It will take you to the PIT! Then, you will not have the energy to dwell in Me and radiate or experience ALL that I AM ”

OK… as if that wasn’t enough…..so get this~ a mom of one of my former students in Boca Facebook messaged me and… said that her son just got back from a mission trip from South Africa.  He is a pastor and mentioned me in his sermon, yes, on  SUNDAY!. ~ Because of Facebook, he knows what is going on in my life. She said he stated that I was  “not giving into self pity, but using it to bring glory to God!”  I chuckle…. the Lord is fighting for me.

The Lord will not let me dip my toe in the self pity puddle!!

I came across this verse today… too.

It is in Exodus 14:14                    “The Lord will fight for you: you need only to be STILL.”

I find it a fabulous verse to find on the day I am home early from the classroom with my  ….feet up…hoarding  the  hot tea…. and tissues!

So,  I will prayerfully place one foot in front of the other and navigate the pity puddles …the murky mud…the slimy pit….

I don’t know what is going on in your life…..if  you have something going on that is leading you into the pit… maybe you are reading this for a reason…a direct revelation….of…..YOU do NOT belong there!

CHIN UP , friend!It is going to be alright!  😉  He has a reason and a purpose for your life!

                                                                                              ….He can do great and mighty things ..which you do not know!

“Oh… Know your …Knot!”

I love this title…. It is kinda tricky!~

Before I get into it… I have to take you back to my college days… I had a little picture with a saying that said… “When you are at the end of your rope… just tie a knot and HANG on!”  It has stuck with me through the years…. and I often refer back to it…. when things get rough!

I have to refer back to  this Monday.  The horrible incessant noise in my ear was more than I could stand. It was giving me a huge headache … try teaching with a “plane taking off in your ear” and an impending brain explosion on the way. Needless to say… I went to bed at 7:30 without any regrets!

On Tuesday… I remembered this nifty little saying from my college days. As soon as I got to school…. I was greeted by a little girl, who is in my class,  and a note that she had written for me. It was a sweet note made with her little rubber stamps that had on the outside   “Song of the Month”…(it is by  Brit Nicole…. “GOLD”)    On the inside  she reminded me that I am worth more than GOLD.  🙂 I think she likes that song! Then a little cute blonde haired boy came in to my room…. he came in with a gift! It was from his Mom …who will happen to  be my substitute when I leave…. it was an OWL~ and a note to remind me WHOOOO cares for me! THEN… if that is “knot” enough….When I got home , I found a CD in the mail box from my sister in law …and her girls! It was a whole CD  full of songs to minister to me! OK….THEN… I shall keep going! Just when I thought I had reached the bottom of the rope and  had tied a KNOT… Jesus was there to meet me at the knot… even for dinner! !!! My sweet friend , Ginny and her husband came over and delivered the most delicious lasagna …salad….and all the fixings. She even had raisin spice cookies and pumpkin cream bread! So… yummy!

I was so touched that the Lord would orchestrate these events on such a day that I thought I wanted a “fast pass” off of life. I wanted to derail…I wanted out… I wanted it to all go away. the Lord would not let me dwell on those thoughts!

It was as if He said…. “OH , no you’re NOT! I love you too much for  you  to think those things … I know you will get to the end of your rope… I know these times are going to be hard… I know your needs! I know you love Me… and I want you to know how I love you too!”

so…I am humbled by His gifts of blessing!  I am so thankful that …I “KNOW who is always going to be with me  at the end of my rope… who is hanging out at the knot”…   WHOOOO is  with me at  every part of the journey…

So glad to know that  I am KNOT alone…

He is KNOT ever  going to leave me…. He is KNOT allowing this for any other reason or  gain , but His!

And… for that reason…. I will NOT let go of my KNOT!  😉

 

“Capture the Flag”

My son had a 15th birthday party last Saturday. He invited several friends  over for an afternoon of football, basketball, BBQ, cookie cake and birthday fun! I have to say that my son has the MOST respectful and awesome friends around! In fact, they all are going to participate in “Homecoming ” festivities together this evening  and enjoy a bonfire after.   FUN TIMES!

Well, anyway… It was later in the evening on Oct. 19th…. the sun had gone down and they all decided to play “Capture the Flag”.

In this game … the territory is divided up with an imaginary line. There are two teams with a flag that they HIDE. It has to be visible. Then the two teams try to capture each other’s flag with out being caught and taken to “jail”. If a person is put in jail …then a team member has to come and tag the person to get out. The game is OVER when all members are caught and  in jail OR the flag is found …

They asked my daughter to play…. which I thought was super nice!!! THEN!!! They asked my husband and I to play… GASP! Well…..augh…..er…. I um…. have…to….ugh…. OK, we will play! Now my husband is hard core…. He goes and gets on a dark colored sweatshirt….Here I am in white… So, I go and change.  We  go outside in the back yard and divide up into  teams….I was NOT on my son or my husband’s team. (That might tell you something….ha ha) We played our first game…. I felt freeeee and young again… out there under the stars…playing chase…..well….actually… (praying I wouldn’t  trip on something…and I was thinking…this ole’ gray mare ain’t what she used to be!) We played two games… the first one … ALL of the other team was in OUR jail and my son was the only one still out.  I caught him!!!. OH… YES … I did!!!!!!      I caught him…. however… I am sure it was because he was slowed down by the big bush and not my lightening bolt speed! So, we won! We decided to play another round. We hid our flag around the white gutter. It was so camouflaged .  (oh, cool I just noticed,,, that ….. “flag” is camouFLAGed  in that word)

They had such a hard time finding our flag…We were all playing on defense for SOOO long. I thought we will NEVER get their flag if we didn’t at least make them worry about US .  SO… I tip toed around the house …. and hid for a little bit… out kinda far……finally when the coast was clear…. (not that ANY of they boys were worried or concerned that the MOM would find the flag… maybe they forgot I was playing) I snooped around the pool….feeling under the rose bush… around the white fence… the deck… I had come this far…. I REALLY wanted that flag! I knew it was out there… I said a little prayer… “Please??… Lord this would be so funny!”   A few seconds later… I stood up…  I reached out and… felt a white flag in my hand and I immediately jammed it under my shirt!  ( I was in ALL white by this time because my dark shirt was way too hot)  So, here I am running in enemy territory… with the flag !! I whispered to  Jason as he was snooping on the porch….”I have the flag!!”… “I have the flag”!! I felt so victorious!!  I ran around to the driveway where…my team was defending the flag….and announced the game was OVER. My husband was incredulous, by the way!! hee heee   ! My son was… in wonder… Say what???  My mom???

I will never forget the night I got to play! …. and…..       The next morning, my body would not let me forget ..either! Ha ha!

 

Well… I tell this story because… it is fun….and  funny ..(to me at least… )    I pondered a thought as I was… out there  with the flag… running …. I thought about how the devil just wants to STEAL our flag.   He is the enemy… he wants to take our white flag and force us to surrender. He wants us to give into his puny lies and sink us into despair and defeat. Well…. here’s a NEWS FLASH! He is defeated! His flag HAS been captured! He is a nothing! The Lord has taken his sting and his victory parade away from him!  The Victory has already been announced in God’s word… by and through the blood of Jesus!

1 Cor. 15:55 Oh.. Death, is your victory? OH… DEATH, WHERE is YOUR STING?

The grave could not hold death… The devil is MAD and he wants everyone to run around as if they are in jail… jailed to his schemes!

NEWS FLASH….. the game is OVER… It has already been WON !

Yes, we live in this world…and we need to be able to navigate around the traps and detours….that is why we have a divine GPS! God’s Word!

Enjoy your Victory today! 😉

P.S.  My son read this and it was approved! 🙂

 

 

Hope Deferred…..

Hello to you… it has been awhile….~ I have really missed “dumping my thoughts” out onto the keyboard. As the result of the lack of time….I have not been able to…. I guess the Lord has wanted me to hold them a little longer…

So, today is the day… ~ I am sitting in my robe…fluffy slippers ….the cat behind me….. the dog snoozing on her pillow…a little fire in the fire place….and of course my coffee…. ( a treat ~gift from my friend, Kim… I love it… it is the Caramel Starbucks kind…mmmm) My heart swells when I look outside to the white twinkling ground….Jack Frost has come! I told my husband (as he left for the Tennessee/ Alabama game) … that I wished that it could stay between 5:30 and 7:00 a.m. all day long…. I love the morning!…the frost….the quiet…the clear….the coffee…

And so now… I get to put my thoughts into something tangible….HOPE…. HOPE has been brewing in my brain for a week!

What would we ever do without HOPE?

Proverbs 13:12  says that …”Hope deferred make the heart SICK..” That is like when hope is “put off” or “postponed”…

I really wanted my surgery to be in November … and it was set for November 19th… then they had to move it back to December. I remember the day very clearly when I realized I was going to have to wait longer to “give birth” to my imposter. My heart was sick. I mean… sheesh … December just doesn’t go well with MY schedule… or the school’s schedule… November was perfect! Anyway… no sense in crying over that.  I had to change my perspective….

November…NOW I can enjoy the Thanksgiving season…and YES…there is SOO much to be thankful for!

I can watch my son start as a 9th grader on the basketball team ON…ON…. Nov. 19th….would NOT want to miss that!

I can go to BOTH scheduled  3rd grade field trips… the nursing home…we ring the bells, recite Psalms, and

do a play(it is one I STILL  have from my teaching days at  Boca Christian! “Hooray for Thanksgiving”…. and I get to go to the…

NUTCRACKER! …. wouldn’t want to miss those magical moments!

I guess… ALL   hope is not lost…. I still get to get rid of the hitchhiker… and I get to enjoy more of the season…. It is just NOT in my timing.

 

enough about me…HOPE DEFERRED~ can be different in everyone’s life….hope for a pregnancy….~ I’ve been there… hope for a prodigal son or daughter…hope for  results….hope for a dream come true…. hope for …. u fill in the blank_________.

Well, I read an email… this week from a Mom. This Mom has a son who has had a TERRIBLE problem with throwing up all of his food… It started in the summer as a case of the flu or” what not”… and it has  just stayed with him… Well… it has kept him out of school….out of sports…out of his normal 7th grade  “life” for a while. Poor thing has gone to Vanderbilt… Birmingham and now he is at the Mayo Clinic in  Rochester. I could , recently, SEE  the despair in her eyes and in the young man’s eyes/heart  as he sat in the hospital bed here in Huntsville as they restarted his stomach…  The doctor’s were trying everything! ~ THEN!~ the breakthrough!

Via FACEBOOK ,of all things… the Lord allowed the mom’s update status to been seen by  a friend of a friend…and then she shared it with a friend who has a son  who has gone  through the SAME thing! The Lord  linked these two moms together … They shared stories!…. The light bulb went on!

Her  email said…. as she was fixing to  go up to the Mayo Clinic..

I paraphrase..~~~~                        I can finally see “HOPE”.             There is a “name” to this thing that plagues my son! ~~~We can have a direction…So…they are up there waiting for some answers…and they seem to be pretty sure that they have nailed the diagnosis. I know they are sharing their hope  (with others  who are in the “same boat” as well as their hope in  Christ)  with all the people that they are coming in contact with!~

What  a beautiful word….! HOPE!

We are never without it!~  Everyday when I wake up…with this incessant roaring in my ear… and numb tongue…. I am reminded that this WORLD is not my home. This body that I have is not permanent…. I am just passing through. I am bummed that I have this…but , it gives me a new perspective… It reminds me that “I am the one with the eternal  HOPE living inside of me!” I am carrying it around in my life because of Jesus Christ… I have a reality of life BEYOND what I see, hear, taste , or  touch here on earth!

PSALM 39:7     And so, Lord, where do I put my hope?

My hope is only in YOU!

Jesus…the One to heal ALL ailments…..We live in a “fallen” world FULL of sickness… disease…. and sin…. He is our HOPE!

Do you have the HIM?  If not, ask Him to be in your life!…. 🙂 I promise…. It is the greatest relationship on earth … It  will set your feet upon a ROCK and you will never want to go back to living without Him….

Well….It is time for me to get up from this comfy chair and make the house smell of pancakes and bacon…. for when the kids get up!~

I HOPE they get up !! ha ha!…..or maybe… I don’t….more for me!

Enjoy your day!~

“Nailed!”

I am showing you a picture of the nail that pierced my tire! CRAZY! I went in for a routine check and they found this roofing nail in the front tire.

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The Nissan Dealership was going to charge me an arm and a leg for a tire! $423.00! Now THAT is crazy! So, needless to say… I checked around town for better prices. My husband has a connection at PepBoys so,  he suggested that I go and let him “look” at it. The dealership would only patch the nails in the CENTER of the tire. This was on the edge…..

PepBoys did it for a whopping $43.00. Incredible!

I asked for the nail… because I wanted to see it…and because I wanted to hold it. I wanted to see how big it was… etc. I may bring it to class when we talk about “simple machines”.

I may also keep it to be an object lesson.

My thoughts are … this little nail is …when used properly… a tool for building! It is a “roofing” nail. It is used on houses to build up their roof to keep the house sturdy. BUT! if used improperly…. it will deflate , destroy and cause despair.

It is the same way with WORDS. They are tools to build up… encourage… keep sturdy… etc. If used in the wrong manner… they can tear down…deflate…cause despair.

I am not bringing anything new to the table…. it common sense… It just hit me in a profound way.

The great work a little nail can do… the  profound difference a great word can make~

Thedamage a little nail can do… the  huge damage a little word can do~

I want to be a person that speaks words that build up and add LIFE into situations around me….

( Psalm 19:14… Let my words and meditations of my heart be acceptable in Your sight…O Lord, my strength and Redeemer.)

(Proverbs 16:24 Pleasant words are like honeycomb, sweetness to the soul and  HEALTH to the bones)

Yes… my tire is patched… I am sooo happy… I would have been so TIRED of paying $423.00 for a tire that I would not have had to pay for. (I feel scammed by that dealership… but life goes on… they have their ways)

Nail someone with a word of life!!!  Peg them with an uplifting word and they will think about it over and over…

 

 

2 men, an oil change and a waiting room….God is ah-mazing!

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Ok… so today was a half day at school… so I had an appointment to get the oil changed  at the Nissan Dealership. I checked in and made my way to the waiting room. There was one man reading a book and a silly talk show on TV with a bunch of women gabbing about “who knows what”.  I decided I would munch on my lunch I bought … and settle in. The man reading the book took a phone call and went outside.  Then another man came in and sat down. We made small talk… He spoke about his life and how he is doing after his divorce.  He spoke about all the bickering he and his wife did… I felt sad for him…Then …the man that took the phone call came back in. He joined the conversation… and I found out he is an anesthesiologist! I told him of the brain tumor and I got to spend precious minutes with this man who shared his expertise.  He knew of my doctors at Vanderbilt… he knew all about what I am going to face and I got to ask questions…!!!!!

I loved how he spoke straight with me and I love how he explained everything. He said my face might “go on strike” for awhile… I like how he put it. With a tumor …as big as mine is… I have to realize my face might need some repairing time….it may go “on strike”…AND… He said it “may not”…too.

I could not help but…share… how my faith has help me get through.

I really wanted to remember the encounter …. So  we had our picture taken just before I went to pay.  ( I found out I have a nail stuck in my front tire!)

Anyway….. only God could have put me in a waiting room with an anesthesiologist… open for questions for at least an hour. .

He reassured me that everything was going to be ok… !

Pretty cool… eh?

all…except the nail in the tire! Bummer! Why do  tires have to be so expensive? $423.00…. go figure!

“Teaching with a Tumor”

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Here is room #7…at Westminster Christian Academy. This is my abode, my play ground, my domain….my haven!

I love teaching!  I am thankful for the calling on my life! It is truly a calling…. I remember being asked to declare a major as I passed through registration at LIBERY UNIVERSITY…. I had NO IDEA… I said the first thing that came to mind…. “A teacher”  I mean after all… I remember teaching my stuffed animals…grading their papers and marking it with a dramatic flair! 😉 Yes…they were all lined up with my little chalkboard.

Now, I do not have to pretend! Sometimes I pinch myself. I think… it is scandalous…that I get a pay check!  I have a lot of fun and I am honored to be in students’ lives! I love watching them grow!

Teaching with a tumor has its challenges: My poor quiet ones….the  ones that speak at a whisper…. they  have to repeat themselves a couple of times. It is frustrating… Hall duty had to be banned! …. so did lunch duty for that matter (when everyone is allowed to talk) I just do a  duty outside…  I hear a constant “white noise”….. I really have a hard time processing information…  if there is “extra noise”…like tapping, humming or water bottles crackling. (It stinks to have a child fill out  a disciple note for their  unconscious  humming. Sometimes they do it and not even realize it… of course I give grace….but not for the consistent offender..)  The electric pencil sharpener has been totally BANNED. My sweet friend Kristina, came up with the idea to get little hand held sharpeners. BINGO! They work great! I just keep them by the  trash can and they sharpen their pencil quietly! I have learned… when you have a brain tumor…there are ways to get around the daily stressors! The whine of the sharpener is NO longer a problem.

I am super tired at the end of the day… my brain “FEELS” like it is just gray  matter…. full of static. I just have to plan of going to bed when I “hit that wall” so to speak.  I am so thankful for my sweet husband who files papers every Thursday for me to get the Friday folder ready.

I have a great faculty that is so sweet! 015 In fact… today I went to my box and instead of finding the usual mail… I found this sweet gift …wrapped! I was so touched… I wanted to preserve the moment …. so I took a picture.  I opened it and I read the sweet note and found a standing plaque with encouraging words… “You do not have to worry about tomorrow…. God had already been there..” ~ I think those were the exact words… It is on my shelf at school… I was able to thank that sweet teacher… after school.   As I did ,there were three of us teachers  who stood for at least 20 minutes talking about life and the things that touch our lives… I appreciated their words…their wisdom …their love!  That time was a gift in its self.

I know so many people are praying for me… thank you for those prayers!   Not a moment goes by that I don’t realize my tumor is there…It is stressful It is annoying… It is…what it is… BUT, I KNOW those prayers sustain me…and keep me going!

I have to remember .. MANY OTHER people overcome obstacles TOO!!!  … BIG ones… every day!      I am not the only one suffering. Mine is MINOR compared to what some  people have to go through on a daily basis…It is all in perspective. I mean… one of my surgeon’s  (I have two  amazing surgeons… at Vanderbilt)  hands   has  some kind of genetic defect.  (it is symmetrical on both hands) I did not get to ask him about it… I did not want to embarrass him.. BUT…WOW… The obstacles HE has had to overcome!

If he can operate on the brain… I can teach third grade! 😉    Enjoy every breath you have! Savor the flavor of LIFE!

Tah… Tah..for now…. Feeling grateful.

I am going to LOSE it!

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I was singing in church a couple Sundays ago and the featured song… was…. Well…here are the words…..

“Lift up your eyes….lift up your eyes…. You’re the Giver of life!”

In a split second… I was upset with God… and inquired…. but, “WHY does  my EAR have to die?!” You are the Giver of life?? This seems unfair…WHY?

Then it HIT me…. as the chorus filled the air again and again…. it hit me. In my spirit I heard….I will take your ear…SO that OTHERS CAN HEAR!

GASP! It was settled! My throat filled with frogs and my eyes began to leak…. I just sang … YOU….(LORD) are the Giver of LIFE! ….snd suddenly it was ok.  I would not have this blog and ….you would not be reading it. If He wants to take my hearing so that ONE could LIVE….one could experience what I experience IN Christ everyday… It is worth it!

 

This little acorn seed looks like it is not alive…although…..It has all the nutrients in it so when it is placed in the right conditions it will grow…(( I have heard seeds die before they grow.. I am not sure if that is true…I will have to do some research…))

This summer, when my dad was here…I put an avocado seed on the counter with toothpicks in it and I settled it on water… I watched and waited for the LONGEST time and nothing happened.  It looked like it was dead…Then one day… I see this  little shoot begin to break out. It is as least 12 inches long now. I may take it to school for my 3rd graders to see… I actually want to get another avocado and start over….(maybe it is an excuse for more guacamole dip!)…. (Then we can  measure the daily growth…;0 such a teacher, I know!) Anyway, I say all of that to say…. I find comfort in the seed… I find comfort knowing that the death of my ear will not be in vain… but I pray it will be used to carry the most beautiful message of LIFE  to those around me. Please pray for boldness … please pray as I want to be sensitive to those around me….who need to…HEAR the  life changing  news of eternity.

 

Is there anything that has “died” in your life?  Anything that looks or appears to be dead?  Ask God to show you what NEW life he wants to bring forth from that!

He never….never…wastes a hurt.

I did watch a video of this man who had an AN…and he said the best thing about “LOSING it” is that he was able to get the greatest sleep!

Well… alright  then….something to look forward to. 😉