“Tense Living”



What …did you say again?…(That seems to be the world I live in lately!)

OH!!…. it was  “Tent Living”!

He referenced… 2 Corinthians 5….For we know that when this earthly tent we live in is taken down-when we die and leave these bodies- we will have a home in heaven, and eternal body made for us by God himself and not by human hands. We grow weary in our present bodies, and we long for the day when we will put on our heavenly bodies like new clothing.

(Praise the Lord for the hope of eternity through Jesus and His death on the cross!)

I have thought a lot about my “tent” lately…There are times in my past that I wish I could have  traded it in for a different one… haven’t we all? With this brain tumor… I have thought about it in a different light. This is the only tent I will EVER have.  As my tent is right now….my pinky finger will always be askew, there will always be a little scar on my right knee, I will always wear the chicken pox scar on my right eyebrow…you get the idea. I never dreamed I would say …”I have a brain tumor.” I praise the Lord it is benign. Sometimes I wish I could go back in time and be “normal”… Would I want to trade this tent?  Trade this experience?……tempting….but, NO… I have heard some people express…. “Of all people… why YOU?”… Well, Why NOT me?  😉 I know my Lord is faithful and he loves me dearly.. I will never be out of His grasp. So, yes… I offer this tent to Him …to show His glory!

I have been in a “tense” state of living … I feel the stress of knowing I have this thing in my brain…I feel the stress of trying to hear …trying to teach …. trying to live in my “new normal”.  My mouth tingles…I have white noise all the time and my head feels like it is being smashed from the pressure…It is very TENSE. I can’t imagine how life would be if I did not have my Lord and Savior …Jesus. He supplies all of my strength…moment by moment. Yes, he has even given my JOY.

My husband is in family practice. He see patients all the time dealing with the stresses of life. He tells me how those stress manifest themselves into ulcers, reflux, high blood pressure, upset stomach, tremors, memory loss… and the list goes on. YES… we only have one tent. Even if one may  not have a physical ailment…like an illness, disease, tumor,etc …. one may have a TON of STRESS and it is making the body sick.  In Proverbs 13:12 , it says “Hope deferred makes a heart sick, but a longing fulfilled is a tree of life.”   We are NEVER with out hope when we have Jesus in our lives…! I can’t imagine going through life with all of its demands and stress without  him… much less… the weight of facing a brain tumor surgery.  He is holding out His hand longing to be a refuge and strength …an ever present help in time of trouble. As we allow Him to be our high tower…we can breath and greet each day knowing He loves us and he will give us our daily bread.

I do long for my heavenly body that 2 Corinthians speaks of… I know it will come it due time….But for NOW… for NOW…. I can take each opportunity that is put in front of me to  trust my Creator and LIVE through Him. I WILL set my heart on things above! Col. 3:1 …I know this tumor is NOT about me…God is not mad at me…he wants to draw me into the deepest of relationships with Him. (When the winds grow strong…..the roots grow deep.)

One of the things that concerns me the MOST… and grieves my heart… Is… I DO NOT want this experience that I am living… to just give others the “warm fuzzies”… I want it to testify to the very POWer that lives within me. It says in Revelation that they won them over by the Blood of the Lamb and the word of their testimony.  May people not see ME…but my GOD!

So… what do you say… I like camping… how about you?….Let’s camp out in the tents we have and live in and through all of  His promises!     I’d like S’MORE…. of HIM!


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