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Monthly Archives: September 2013

ANY WHERE but HEAR!!!

034Any Where But HEAR!!!

I want to go back to the BEACH! I want to run from tomorrow…. I want to close my eyes and lah…lah…lah…pretend “it” is NOT there… but , it doesn’t matter if I do that because I still hear it’s presence …and feel it’s tasty numbness…..

I just told my husband… I feel…. NUMB. I feel numb tonight because I am trying to be proactive in knowledge…proactive in my faith… and patient in timing. ((Sometimes the information on the computer is way…too much!))

BUT, I still wanna go back to the beach.  I still want to go back to a time when I had      NOO      idea…. I still ….. AUGH! How aggravating to fight with yourself! One minute… it is a GIFT…. the next… a GRIEF! ~    ….. I guess it could be…”oh, good grief!?!”

I have done some research today on the Official Acoustic Neuroma Site … ANA…. I even registered…. I have my own profile and I can email… join conversations… and…. Wahhhh Lahhhh…….. my brain tumor community just got smaller!

Well, since I can’t have my toes in the sand…. I can look forward to the day that I do… the surgery will be behind me…  (I can’t say I am not fearful … reading some of the post are REALLY disturbing)…. for now…. I will continue to TRUST!

One night I went walking… and the song “I Need a Miracle” by I think… 10th Avenue North….came on.   I had to stop…. I had to think….. “I am NOT the only one who needs a miracle here… There are people struggling with stuff that is unseen… personal… struggles…. I am sure there are a lot of people in the same boat I am ~ wishing to BE somewhere else… “it would all be better”… or would it?..

He is our present HELP in time of trouble! …………….. He is HERE!   HE is here for me…. He is here for you.

Anymore time I spend wishing…. will turn into a PITY PARTY…. I don’t want to go down that beach…I “Shore” don’t!  ha ha.. So, I will FIX my eyes on what is unseen…. for that is eternal. Shake off the sand and ride the WAVES of amazing GRACE!

Whew… I am so glad I have this blog….. it talked me out of a ….full fledged temper tantrum… pity, pouty party. Thanks for holding me accountable! See, this is when I feel the answers to your prayers… it keeps me out of Funky Town.

W~

….. a WAR e

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Lately… I have been fully   …. aWARe  of the prayers singing over me!  If you are one of those warriors…. THANK  YOU! I feel them every day!

I am thankful I can greet each day … knowing I am being bathed in prayers. I KNOW my little 3rd grade WARRIORS are always lifting me up!

 

I know that there is a WAR raging over me…. and you for that matter. The devil wants to ZAP our joy…our hope …our courage….he is as a roaring lion. John 10:10.. seeking whom he may DEVOUR!  Well…. I don’t know about you… but I don’t want eaten by a lion. I don’t want my joy to be zapped by a defeated ragamuffin.  I love this little plaque that one of my former 3rd grade students gave me this year….

Our faith must be DEEPLY ROOTED and UNSHAKABLE….. Your ROOTS hold me to your steadfast Foundation  strengthening and overflowing me with thankfulness. I am SOOOO happy this summer I began the book of the   1,000 GIFTS .   Ann Voskamp     What a blessing it was at the time and it really prepared my heart to receive the news of my tumor. It was received in a fertile… thankFULL heart… thankful for a TUMOR?  Well…yes.

 

In a weird way… I am…. I am thankful He chose me for this. I want to squeeze every drop of Jesus out of this experience and enter into something bigger than me. I want to know as much about my Creator as I can on this side of heaven. I know this means WAR! I know I have satan and his thugs stacked up against me… I know I have prayers in the heavenly realms….I have scripture… and I am prepared for battle.  I know that He sings over me…and that I am aWARe…

He sings over you…. are you    aWARe?

Have a great week!

We have only 2 and 1/2 days of school and we will be out for fall break! We are looking forward to seeing some DEAR friends from Georgia!

MEan?

I was told by a sweet friend recently that her mom had suffered a brain tumor….Her tumor was  different from mine. Hers was on the “inside” of the brain as mine is on the outside….It is  pressing, seriously ,on my LAST nerve!  ha ha! Anyway….my sweet friend spoke about how everyone , including her mom, came out of surgery….MEAN! Yes…Mean!She said all the way up and down the hallway she could witness patients on edge as they came out of surgery.  I was taken back by it…. I know the anesthesia really does crazy things to people….but mean? She said her mom threw her food across the room because it was not what she wanted!

At first, this sounded very scary to me…. I probably will not know what is going on. The thought of being mean ….and me not knowing it…kinda scared me!

Then… I thought again….. gee…..this might be kinda fun!   Hummmm……ME??……..MEan?

I m not looking forward to coming out of the drugs. I had out-patient surgery once before…they had to put me under and I really struggled for a couple of weeks. I struggled with a touch of depression. I am not used to a “fog” of any kind and the weeks that followed surgery  really threw me for a loop. I can’t imagine what this adventure is going to be like. I want to be proactive about all of this…. I have my sweet Robyn (adopted mom, mentor and friend) ready to come and read Scripture as I wake up… Chuck, my husband, will be there , too! I guess already having the mind-set that I may not think straight going into this really helps…. If I go loopy…. remind me of this blog!

On the subject of MEAN…my Pastor said something that has always stuck with me…

“Hurting people ….hurt people”

…. I think that is why a lot of people are just plan mean to others….this world is full of a lot of hurt…People trying to get ahead…striving to get the latest toy…oblivious of others…mean because they are jealous…mean because they “feel” like it… mean because they have nothing else to do…. sad…(just take one look at the evening news)

Only the blood of Jesus has the POWer to overcome it!

We are studying a verse this week … my students have to say it to me by Friday….

It is 1 Peter  1 :3-4   Praise be to the  God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ. In  his great mercy he has given us new birth into a living hope through the resurrection of Jesus Christ from the dead, and into an inheritance that for can never perish, spoil or fade- kept in heaven for  you!

What a GLORIOUS verse!
Yes… we can PRAISE our God! He sent His only Son to give us a new birth through His Son’s resurrection! When we know Him we can LIVE in that same power! We have an inheritance that worms …moths… dust will never see!

I don’t know what I will be like coming out of brain surgery… but, I do know Who holds my hand…and maybe we will have a couple good laughs on the other side of this!

Me??…… MEan?….. (insert sinister laugh!)

 

 

MISSing out, but GAINing more….

It is Saturday morning and the wonderful smells that go with Saturday morning are in full swing! ….cinnamon Rolls, scrambled eggs, sausage and coffee… mmm

Yesterday we went on one of the biggest field trips of the third grade year!  We went to the Nashville Zoo!! Yes! We chartered a  bus and headed up north. Charting a bus may not seem like a big deal…but let me tell you it IS!  Imagine a BUS….with a BATHROOM! Now, that is a huge deal to a third grader! Yesterday morning we loaded up 41 giddy students … armed with cameras, sunglasses, water bottles and sunscreen on a bus fit for a rock star!

Now, having an Acoustic Neuroma…really does not mix  well with a bus load of chatty students… plus the HUM of the bus would have  driven  me APE! I would have been climbing the walls. So, I climbed in a van full of 5 other women. They, of course, were the sweet moms who agreed to go and chaperone. ((They are my heroes! They are what make these kinds of trips so successful! We had so many moms and dads who went!  We were so blessed!))  After we were on the way and headed toward the interstate…. I could finally breathe a sigh of relief…we all had lunches…we were all on time…and all was WELL!

WELL, I was feeling sad as I knew what being on that bus  was  like from previous years…! I love to share the experience of it all with my students. As I watched the bus ahead of me….instead of privately pouting… I decided to join where I was and enjoy the ride!  Yes, I missed out on the bus, but I gained sweet conversations with 5 other women! We talked about everything it seemed!  There were sweet stories of LIFE! ~  tender stories of motherhood, adoption, love of family….there was laughing and tears… wahhh Lahhhh …we even had blueberry muffins!

There have been a few things I have had to excuse myself from…just because … it is just too much.  I have had to tell my family “no” to going with them to a movie…sat outside the door for  praise and worship time at  church…sat outside the door for chapel at school…excused myself for “talk” time in the lunch room…. etc..But , I have found it is all in perspective. I could focus on what I don’t have…. or I could live in the moment and focus what I do have!

I have to remember… my attitude is everything! ~ I love the saying….

” A BAD attitude is like a flat tire.. you will not get anywhere unless you change it.”

I really want to live victoriously through this storm… and I can’t.. unless I keep my focus on NOT….  what I will be MISSing …., but,  FOCUS on what I will be GAINing!

 

~H2 OH…DUH!

Well….today I was walking with my sweet students back from their special….they have music on Wednesdays…  and….. I was carrying my cup of coffee.. I had also raided the brownies left over in the office! I thought I was “set” there is nothing like having my comfort cup of morning JOE and a brownie…

One of the sweet teachers…  had reminded me early on in this brain… revelation…to DRINK lots of water and lay off the caffeine !! She knows what she is talking about because she spent MANY days out of Kindergarten due to vertigo.  She happened to walk by and ask the question…Is that water or coffee??  I obviously told her it was coffee…and she gave me one of those….”You NEED” to be drinking water….looks! As I walked to my room… I felt a little chided…and decided she must have known  the answer to her question because IF it was water…it was awful DIRTY!

I KNOW~~~ I KNOW~~~ I need to drink more water…don’t we all?  Anyway …the day goes on and at lunch time ….maybe it was the power of suggestion… my body seemed to become SOO THIRSTY for water! I went to the office and bought a bottled …AS soon as I came back to gather my children from the noisy lunch room… I begin to get this aura …It was the dreaded aura one would get when they are getting  a migraine! I was headed down the migraine track fast and I knew I needed to act quick ….so , I intercepted it with medicine…and MORE WATER!

Well, I am so happy to say that the medicine worked,,, thanks to our AMAZING school nurse !! …. and I was able to return to recess for the last few minutes…and resume teaching as if I did not have any issues.

Isn’t that what it is like when we are in need of SPIRITUAL WATER??   He gives us the LIVING water!!!!    It revives us and adds health to our very bones! We are refreshed and feel encouraged.  Our Creator made our bodies in need of H20… water… He also made our souls in need of His water… When we don’t have it… our bodies can do weird things like get migraines… and when we  don’t have HIS water …the water our souls thirst for… we become weary…. discouraged…and down right grumpy.  In both cases…

If we are weary…think…how is our level of water? It may be a  “H2 OH…duh”   moment!

John 7:38 says… He who believes in me , as the Scripture said, “From his innermost being will flow rivers of living water…”

~ Just a CUP-le Thoughts

Hello Friends!

I woke up this morning with this title running through my brain.. ~Just a CUP-le of Thoughts

– This morning… the “thoughts” were not complete in my mind…but as the day grew full…they began to take shape.

At the end of the  school day… I had the privilege of listening to about 15 students recite the Lord’s Prayer.  As each one came… I was able  to just close my eyes and,,,,, hear it ..just one more time!,,,,,,, I savored it… I  longed for more….

I loved the part where we can pray that He would give us THIS  day…our daily bread….  We are not asking for a weeks worth … or 2 or 3 days worth… We are asking for the 24 hour timeslot  … the timeslot that that is called “today”… It is this PORTION…this CUP that I am thankful for…He will meet all of our needs,,, one day at a time.

I set a “countdown” on my phone to countdown  the  days until  surgery… I am at 91 days… I have 91 days to be able to hear out of both ears… After the surgery…. I will not. I can get overwhelmed at that… I can panic…. I can become all depressed… but,

W

H

Y

?

I marveled at the “hoot owl”…. that announced its presence outside my window last night. I loved hearing it… It stayed there a good 25 minutes or so…It is in those time I am ever so grateful for the hearing that I  have…. I hate the  the reality that my hearing will be gone on the right side. Questions flood my mind… What will the last words be that I will ever hear in that ear? I would fancy the idea of it being…”I love you !” …from Chuck. More than likely it will be the sounds of nurses….doctors and  a mix of hospital noises…… Reality  sINks in as I think about the next time I will hear in that ear…. it will the be the sound of angels singing….

Now…that is REALity.                  and yes….                  My CUP is still FULL… I am thankful for the comfort of knowing that  I have the very hope and assurance of eternity through my Lord and Savior , Jesus Christ. My reality is not what happens on this earth , but the beauty of what the Lord has planned for His children in heaven.

So, Here are~              ~Just A CUP-le Thoughts!~                 A couple usually means two…

1…..If  you are healthy…. greet  each day with gratitude!  Today is a gift…. In the big scheme of things…… what IS  REAlly important?

2. If you struggle in an area of your life whether it is financial, relationships, health, job, …whatever…know that the Lord is ready and willing to help you. He has unlimited resources…and He is waiting to draw near to you. He is ready to BE your CUPFULL ,,, your portion for today…

P.S.

“Owl” love to hear Mr. Owl again tonight… 😉  Besides having great eyesight… I heard owls are really “nosey”… they like to know whoooo is in your kitchen?  They all like to know the same question….”Hoooo, Hoooo , Hoooo,, Hoooo cooks for youuuu?  Have you heard it, too?

 

 

When HE is at the HE~lm

Every day I have a new “Word of the Day”… I love introducing new vocabulary words to my students. Last week, one of the words was “HELM”.  The helm  is the steering  wheel of a ship….. I can visualize a captain of the ship at the helm as he  navigates  his vessel  through the ocean waters.

I picture my Jesus at the HElm of my ship.   As I look off the deck… I see the looming clouds of the storm in the distance.  I can feel Him encouraging  me  to put on my life vest of trust… He directs  me in the night watches… and comforts me with His Word. If I try to take the wheel from Him I know I am destined to go shipwrecked into bigger storms that were never intended for me. Yes… Yes… Yes…. at times I feel like I am sinking…..  s  IN  k-ing …. Like yesterday… It was Saturday and I just wanted to pull the covers over my head … I wanted to just disappear. Don’t freak out on me…  am “ok”;) I know the devil and His schemes… he likes to  plant thoughts and mess with the mind and heart…. that is why it is so important to guard the heart! I had a choice! I could … stay there and SINK into myself and throw a pity party OR I could SINK into my Savior and let Him bring my thoughts back to life. It is there that I find Him ministering to me…. loving me… releasing me from having to carry it. I remember back in August… I was sitting on my front porch… pondering my life… He told me…”You don’t have to be BRAVE!… Let ME be your Brave!”… I thought about that… and this verse…. “Take my Yoke upon you for My burden is light.” I think it is in the book of  Matthew.  Ok… Lord… it is YOU  and Me together…. I will take this yoke…I will. It is YOU and ME.

Some people say… “Wanda … is always happy!”… Let me tell you… I have my days and moments…I cry in my pillow… I cry on my dog… I cry in my car… but, I also CRY out to a loving Savior who rescues me. He has my back… the other side of my yoke.

May HE always is  and will  forever be at the HElm of my  ship. It is tempting to take the wheel… but He sees the winds… and HE REIGNS! He will navigate me and you  through….let us  grab the map of His Word and keep sailing! We  will LAND in heavenly places!

A ‘hoy Mate!!

 

“Tense Living”

 

 

What …did you say again?…(That seems to be the world I live in lately!)

OH!!…. it was  “Tent Living”!

He referenced… 2 Corinthians 5….For we know that when this earthly tent we live in is taken down-when we die and leave these bodies- we will have a home in heaven, and eternal body made for us by God himself and not by human hands. We grow weary in our present bodies, and we long for the day when we will put on our heavenly bodies like new clothing.

(Praise the Lord for the hope of eternity through Jesus and His death on the cross!)

I have thought a lot about my “tent” lately…There are times in my past that I wish I could have  traded it in for a different one… haven’t we all? With this brain tumor… I have thought about it in a different light. This is the only tent I will EVER have.  As my tent is right now….my pinky finger will always be askew, there will always be a little scar on my right knee, I will always wear the chicken pox scar on my right eyebrow…you get the idea. I never dreamed I would say …”I have a brain tumor.” I praise the Lord it is benign. Sometimes I wish I could go back in time and be “normal”… Would I want to trade this tent?  Trade this experience?……tempting….but, NO… I have heard some people express…. “Of all people… why YOU?”… Well, Why NOT me?  😉 I know my Lord is faithful and he loves me dearly.. I will never be out of His grasp. So, yes… I offer this tent to Him …to show His glory!

I have been in a “tense” state of living … I feel the stress of knowing I have this thing in my brain…I feel the stress of trying to hear …trying to teach …. trying to live in my “new normal”.  My mouth tingles…I have white noise all the time and my head feels like it is being smashed from the pressure…It is very TENSE. I can’t imagine how life would be if I did not have my Lord and Savior …Jesus. He supplies all of my strength…moment by moment. Yes, he has even given my JOY.

My husband is in family practice. He see patients all the time dealing with the stresses of life. He tells me how those stress manifest themselves into ulcers, reflux, high blood pressure, upset stomach, tremors, memory loss… and the list goes on. YES… we only have one tent. Even if one may  not have a physical ailment…like an illness, disease, tumor,etc …. one may have a TON of STRESS and it is making the body sick.  In Proverbs 13:12 , it says “Hope deferred makes a heart sick, but a longing fulfilled is a tree of life.”   We are NEVER with out hope when we have Jesus in our lives…! I can’t imagine going through life with all of its demands and stress without  him… much less… the weight of facing a brain tumor surgery.  He is holding out His hand longing to be a refuge and strength …an ever present help in time of trouble. As we allow Him to be our high tower…we can breath and greet each day knowing He loves us and he will give us our daily bread.

I do long for my heavenly body that 2 Corinthians speaks of… I know it will come it due time….But for NOW… for NOW…. I can take each opportunity that is put in front of me to  trust my Creator and LIVE through Him. I WILL set my heart on things above! Col. 3:1 …I know this tumor is NOT about me…God is not mad at me…he wants to draw me into the deepest of relationships with Him. (When the winds grow strong…..the roots grow deep.)

One of the things that concerns me the MOST… and grieves my heart… Is… I DO NOT want this experience that I am living… to just give others the “warm fuzzies”… I want it to testify to the very POWer that lives within me. It says in Revelation that they won them over by the Blood of the Lamb and the word of their testimony.  May people not see ME…but my GOD!

So… what do you say… I like camping… how about you?….Let’s camp out in the tents we have and live in and through all of  His promises!     I’d like S’MORE…. of HIM!

 

~ WHAT g IF t! ~

 

 

Tonight my family was treated to a crockpot dinner , salad , bread and peach cobbler! Oh!!! What a surprise ! What timing!  My daughter had a volleyball match and my son had ABA basketball practice. Tomorrow is Grandparents’ Day at school and parent/teacher conferences.  I have A LOT to do! So, dinner  tonight was such a blessing! It was a GIFT!

WHAT a GIFT! My sweet friend …mentor and “adopted” mother~ ROBYN~ …put the dinner together and drove it to the school that  Joy was playing at.   Several years ago ,God allowed us to meet  we have never looked back! My real  mom has passed away a few years ago and my Jesus knew that I would need someone like Robyn in my life! She brings a wealth of wisdom…love …support and… not to mention laughter! We can carry on about the silliest things! I actually talk to her EVERY morning before school.  I love the depth she brings to my life!                                               WHAT a GIFT!

People with more “gray glitter” in their hair are such a wealth of wisdom.   I wish I could just sit at the feet of people who have gone before me and soak up their knowledge. They have so much to offer…take my Dad for example… He amazes me when he comes down from Iowa to visit… He blows my mind at all the stuff he can “fix” or make “better” ! He knows so much!

While  my husband and I were sitting in the waiting room at Vanderbilt… (the waiting room was full) I noticed the cutest older couple come in and look around for a place to sit… The lady walked with an impairment… kinda like a penguin…She had a very determined/happy look on her face. They came in and sat down. I whispered to Chuck how CUTE I thought they were  . I also whispered the fact that I wanted to know  how long they had been married!!??… Chuck, with out hesitating, said… “ohh,  2 years!”  Well, I started laughing … and GULP!!… she looked straight at me and asked me …if I was laughing at her… Red faced and wide eyed.. I had to explain how CUTE I thought she and her husband was…… Well, before you know it,  the whole waiting room knew their story and everyone was smiling along….  “Bill” was so adamant that I needed to look at the pictures in his wallet . He wanted me to see what his sweetheart … “Ann” looked like in high school!! ….. He whipped open his wallet and stretched across an innocent ,by standing,  young man to gave it to me . He wanted me to look at ALL the pictures!  We chatted for a few minutes …When my name was finally called,  I had to tear myself away from them as my nurse was waiting .    I was , you know, nodding and backing up… trying to be polite…and exit at the same time… …Bill?   Bill  STILL kept  on talking!          I think they enjoyed the attention.

I was bragging earlier about the amazing GIFT Robyn made for us…it was made of love, thoughtfulness and the beauty of what make life go around. She went out of her way to bless us on a busy night…

I was just thinking …

   W H A T       g  I F   t~                                         WHAT        IF?

WHAT  g IF t !   ….. What IF  we took more chances on getting to know other people?

What gift”  ..we stopped waiting for people to come to us for friendship ?

What g if t…. we talked to more people in waiting rooms or in long   lines?

What g IF t… we  included  the generations before us in our lives!?  (They would LOVE…LOVE to be asked for  their opinion…their advice… their expertise…. I am sure Bill and Ann from the waiting room have a lot of fun stories…)

What   g IF t …we took the TIME to  just slow down and just bless someone?

What  g IF t ….  we shared our trials and hurts with someone else and stopped thinking we can be an island to ourselves?

I look forward to tomorrow , Grandparents’ Day … I will see many GIFTS being soaked up  throughout the morning in my classroom. Grandparents will  be charmed and delighted by the sweet children. They have written  poems , drew pictures and practiced a little song to the tune of “Take Me out to the  Ballgame”. We are also going to sing along to the Christian song “WORDS” by Hawk Nelson… yeah… we will  “rock it out”  with Grandpa and Grandma! It was our class  “theme song” to begin this year.

One of my students..”BoBo” told me he was going to share this blog with his Grandma today.  I know  “BoBo’s” Grandma might be  reading this..So. I just wanted to say “HI!” You have an awesome grandson… you should be very proud!

(The kids made up “CODE” names … so I could talk freely about them!)

Well, It is time for me to go and get another helping of that peach cobbler…..May we all be encouraged to think…

   WHAT      g IF t!?

 

~ dah dah dahhh..students undercover!

I feel the need to inform you that I will be blogging a lot longer (before surgery) than I had expected as of  3:00 pm  today… We thought the surgery was Nov. 26th or…wishfully the 12th… Nada…

It is Dec. 17th.

I decided that I wanted to include telling stories of my students and …therefore ,I felt the need to put them undercover! They have each picked out a “code” name…;) I don’t know where the world wide web is located …or where  the cyber space place is that  of this goes to… so in case of aliens… or spies…. I wanted to disguise the student’s identity as to not upset momma and papa bear.

I look forward to watching  God work through these precious ones!